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july 2002

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  • july 2002


    THE 2FM SESSIONS TOUR IS COMING TO CLARE ISLAND - The sessions tour is taking over clare island located off the coast of mayo, in clew bay, on saturday august 10th, live from the 626 outdoor soundstage! Join us live on-air from 6pm as we kick off the party of the summer,with 1500 proper lunatics,2 decks,and a big ass soundsystem that should provide for the ultimate playground! Your Dj's for the evening include Pressure,Zoe,Me,Jay Pigeon and John Power. Ticket's are on sale now @ €50 which includes admission to the sessions tour party,your place on the ferry (no roads where we're going baby) and not forgetting the camp site! - remember to bring your own tents and sleeping bags (that's if you intend on sleeping over the 24 hour period) The party will go right through the night but we do advise that clubbers bring their own tunes for the afters (ie: ghetto blasters,portable mini disc's,phone chargers,extra skins and something nice to watch the sun come up) check out clare island's official website to get a better picture You can check the 626 site for details on where to get tickets - unfortunatly there is no Ticketmaster type vibe, you`ll have to call one of the places doing tickets and get them to sort you by mailorder or to keep them for you to pick up on the way.. why? because it`s a west coast thang baby.. Here is the list of record shops that will be selling the tickets - Dazzle Discs(Westport)098-28414, Downtown Records (Castlebar)094-22312, Hotshot Records (Ballina)096-21637, Star Music (Sligo)071-42029, Zhivago Sound Vision (Galway)091-509960, The Music Centre (Letterkenny)074-23062.. Since westport is the ferry port for the departure and you`ll have to probably go through Castlebar to get there, it all makes perfect sense to me now.. er.. See you there?


    Weekend Playlist for Mr.Spring`s Show on 2FM's 6:2:6,
    ( TX: 270702/20.00-22.00


    Firen` Squad, Squaddies: Jennifer X (oh jenny),Mattaeo (techno mountie), Giles Punish (power FM)

    *moby/extreme ways -mute - 46%
    p12mute270/wri:moby//mute songs ltd.
    *qed/hardly a day(filterheadz) -5am - 30%
    fam014/no details,white label.
    *kosheen/harder -bmg - 38%
    harder02/no details,black label
    *16 blondes/hey you part 2 -additive - 33%
    12ad087/wri:sharam jey//l.s. music
    *m&m/crispy -mars - 34%
    new "crispy" variety of world's biggest chocolate drop sweet..
    *danny sullivan & the Kemist/snake charmer -hooj - 53%
    hooj122/wri:sullivan & holterhoff//scorchio music & cop con


    *queen elizabeth/strange impression - suntec tec062
    *mirko milano/bang the box - deep mission dm25
    *tekken/tribal pursuit - tekktonn tk001
    *sonz of a loop da loop era/far out - liquid asset 12008r1
    *target/harder they come - traciddtraxx ttx2037
    *oakenfold/starry eyed surprise(lieb) - perfecto perf27tp
    *sinister/chimera - bmg sino1f1
    *blank & jones/surburban hell - gang go gg058
    *4 strings/diving - liquid recordings lq026

    Had a fun session on the Yahoo chat thingy friday night after the CAVAN gig.. god bless the nokia infra-red modem on the 8310.. Did i mention i dumped the 5510?Yeah, it was a brain-roaster.. had to go.. headaches and wierd ear activity did my head in.. Literaly! Anyway.. can do 9600bps on harry-normal GSM connection while driving, any1 any experience with GPRS? Worth the look? I`d love to be able to do Webcams from the Bratmobile as we rip up on the way home from gigs.. It`s the future.. You know it..

    Something strange happend the other day.. sunday to be precise. I was vegitating to something half decent on the shitbox (as you do) and my trance was shattered by the adds.. i'd even sat through 2 or 3 of the soft-porn shoutfests and was content to do so in my cottonwool cocoon of televisual minerva, but the advert so annoyed me i snapped right out of it and began to notice i wasn`t happy.. so i switched.. to one of the other 300 badly-encoded MPEG2 streams of rubbish that nobody wants.. and what did i find? Another addbreak.. and another.. in fact, during the 6 minute break (yes!!) i clocked up 63 stations in addbreaks!!! The basterds are cooperating! They know we surf during commercials and they are fighting back... All that is except for BOOMERANG and HALLMARK. You may have seen CARTOON NETWORK has split in 2 now, the modern (ie:total bullshit) "toons", mostly featuring aped Franco-russian psychedelia and Carry-on films for pre-teens hep'd up on sunny-D and free time are all wall-2-wall on (C.G.)CARTOON NETWORK, while the real deal (josie, scooby, inch-high, wacky races etc..) is on BOOMERANG, and it`s the saviour!! It's adds are totally out of sync with the rest of the shitbox because rupert doesn`t control BOOMERANG, Ted does!! the same bloke running TCM, which is a pretty safe bet thesedays for a bit of adds-avoidence too.. Ahh.. so there.. skip there if you can`t take the adds.. but now the point ot all this rambling.. HALLMARK channel Yes, the hallmark greeting-card people have a movie channel.. Mostly featuring "Please don`t take away my children" movies starring George Hamilton, and "My husband beats/cheats" films starring Kate Jackson or Lindsey Wagner.. In fact it`s 100% Valium-Drenched Wimminz stuff (Known in the business as a "Family" movie channel - Ironic when 90% of ther output is about decaying familys and relationships). anyway... that add came on again - the Buzzkill Supremo that is those fools Laughing to themselves about their BANK of all things - i HATE that add.. anyway, on it came and i mashed the remote in a frenzy to show the box i wasn`t impressed, and up came HALLMARK. Let me describe the scene.. Shot-on-Video feel, bland cast all sitting in what looked like a hotel suite better suited to a low-budget porno film, smoking fags, talking amongst themselves.. no plot... then there is a buzzer, and they all get real animated and start frantically stubbing out fags, picking up folders and rushing about the place as someone shouts at them from a control booth somewhere.. the camera focuses properly, the picture quality "grains" a bit and the 2 best dressed characters walk off the set and are replaced with Good-looking doubles, dressed the same.. they all launch into a scene.. dialogue streams forth, it`s the type of talk that usually comes out when accusations are bieng levelled at the peak of a plot, and everyone starts giving it loads in the acting dept., i watched for about 5 minutes, then another buzzer sounded, the uglyier 2 actors replaced the good looking ones (dressed the same), everyone sat back down, the camera got sloppy, dialogue stopped as did the background music, some actors lit-up fags again, some just lay down to rest.. some produced Hip-Flasks, VERY strange.. They really did just talk among themselves till the buzzer went again, whereupon the 2 good-looking main actors returned, the scene continued and everyone sprang to life for about 5 minutes.. and so on, all day and night.. PROBABLE EXPLINATION : It seems they are making the effort for the addbreaks, since that's the only time anyone would dream of looking at them. What a crew! Makes me think how many of these channels/pages/features in things do we pay for and NEVER EVEN CHECK TO SEE IF THEY WORK.. annoying thing is, i don`t want any of this crap, yet i`m told my subscription fee is for a "package" of channels - 92% of which i never watch... Scene in shop: "I'd like a KITKAT please..", "Certainly sir, that comes with 2 ROLOs, 3 SNICKERS, 2 MARS, 3 FRUIT GUMS, 9 No.8 Wall-Bolts, A Synthetic Mophead and 12 Packets of M&Ms, That'll be 25 euro for the package".. Helloooooo... (echo)


    2 Pieces of amusement today.. 1stly, i return as review panelist on the tuesday fanning shows from next week after the summer break, DESPITE the best efforts of a major label and a senior egomaniac to stop it.. In fact, i`m elated that the limp attempts to have me silenced/removed have been so innefective! This all goes to prove that truth may hurt, but it`s not something you can reverse with threats, no matter how important you think you may be.. Anyway, there is more to come, i promise you. You see, the time has come for each and every one of us to choose, to choose weather or not we are going to be part of the problem, or part of the solution... By encouraging our little brothers and sisters to buy/like/subscribe to pop-shite we are ruining their development.. I was lucky, i had uncles,aunts and peers that exposed me to Chic, Led Zeppelin, The Who, Kraftwerk, Tonto's expanding headband, The Police, Donna summer, Roy orbison, Jerry Lee Lewis, AC/DC, Ultravox, Kate Bush, XTC, Squeeze and even Kid creole & The coconuts when i was very young and impressionable.. i was then able to make MY OWN choices when i finally could afford to buy my own music.. What did i buy? Was it THE KIDS FROM FAME? Was it BUCKS FIZZ? KAJAGOOGOO? No, i bought Jeff Wayne, Althia & donna, Ian Dury & the blockheads, Sly & Robbie, Soft cell, Human league etc.. etc.. We are KILLING a generation of music lovers by allowing POP SHITE to exist.. I believe young minds needs to be kept free of Pornography, Styleised Violence and Bad Music untill they can differentiate between the real and the sinister for themselves and make the right choices.. In fact, Music appreciation should be tought in school at secondary level and should be compulsary, Like Acid house later on in life.. The other piece of amusement? There is an ELVIS scratchcard coming soon!!!!!!!!! Yes!! the NATIONAL LOTTERY is launching an ELVIS 25th annivarsary scratchcard on aug 7th.. Cards are expected to cost the usual amount, except you can win things like a skip full of hamburgers and *****, or a 6-pack of cadillacs, or a romp with lisa-marie, or a solid gold horse, or a microphone that smells like a crotch that Elvis actually spluttered into on stage once.. For not the first time in my life i am calling on you ALL to gamble.. Gamble now, and do it till it hurts.. the biddys have got it sussed - cat food and scratchcards.. that's all that matters untill something else comes along.. (like death)


    More Liquidwheel activity yesterday.. and today we made THE REAL DEAL.. a 100% oldschhool acid house tune.. no samples. Ah well.. Er... CAVAN 2moro night.. not sure why or where..


    Terrible conditions for Webcrawling today! What is wrong with the bloody web these days? Hellooo? Power Partially updated his script.. There is a press-release/e-spoof going around this week concerning the Closure of the ledgendary CREAM club at Nation in Liverpool.. I haven`t seen it, but those that have are adding it into terrifieng storys of under-attended nights and tales of pressure from the local Vampires/Banditos/Pigs/Turkeys to make a bitter pill indeed to swallow - Cream s Fuc*ed. Long Live Cream. Let me be one of the first to say the following things in this exact order: "It`s a Shit of a pity..", "It was bound to happen sooner or later..", "Close Personal Friend..", "Only spoke to him yesterday.." , "Told you so.." , "That's what you get for tugging on it so hard.." and "Don`t worry, it`ll grow back..". As usual in these cases, i`m not actually loosing anything from my life because of this, I never played there, and i never clubbed there, but this IS felt by all of us everywhere in the scene since one of the Greatest Success storys in clubbing is enduring a "bad chapter" in it`s history book.. Well, you can`t appreciate the ultimate good till you feel the ultimate bad.. apparently..


    Weekend Playlist for Mr.Spring`s Show on 2FM's 6:2:6,
    ( TX: 200702/20.00-22.00


    Firen` Squad, Squaddies: Al Gibbs (cityboy),John Gibbons (countryboy), Darran Rice (bittabothboy)

    *jamx & deleon/can you dig it? -serious - 40%
    serr052t2/wri:jam x & deleon//jam x music productions
    *underworld/2 months off -jbo - 65%
    no details (single sided promo in plastic wallet,mmm tasty.. transparent sticker too.. mmm.. traaaansparant..)
    *phlash & steve hill/frantic theme 2002 -tripoli trax - 7%
    ttrax088r/wri:hill & shiner//pure groove music
    *golden boy with miss kitten/rippin kittin -illustrious - 53%
    12illdjx007/wri:golden boy & miss kittin
    *barry adamson/black amour -mute -5%
    cdmute223/wri:barry adamson//mute song
    *paul oakenfold/starry eyed surprise -perfecto - 57%
    perf27tp/wri:wriakenfold & neil//mute song ltd.


    *pyra/total destruction - no name nn4022
    *mobil DJ/auflegen - whitelabel ????
    *raul cremona/proteus - md0109
    *nebula/rave city 2002 - music mail rb025
    *eon/talk to me - tsunami tsu6034
    *target/harder they come - tracid traxx ttx2037

    Friday we went to Soda Club in Drogheda for the first time.. I think we had fun alright! Dig those wierd multi-port ashtrays in the sky i`m told are part of the soundsystem.. mmm.. take your fringe off if you jump up high enuf i reckon.. Saturday's drive HOME from tralee was very odd indeed, the sun came up all orange on us as we drove east.. shades and dead bugs prevented near insanity.. amazing how many bugs you can actually splatter at 5am in late july, they must want it or something..

    Lotta peeps looking for setails on this CLARE ISLAND D-X-Pidition! The script is this: August 4th, Open air dance thingy on clare island, off the coast of westport co.mayo - in Clew bay (sort of).. it's a camping overnight affair with loud noises till the usual curfew and then er.. a bit of campsite messing till' the ferry the next day back to the mainland.. Oh did i mention we get to go on a ferry? Yeah.. apparently so.. It'll either be a blast or not. I'm asking deep -=p-r-o-b-i-n-g=- questions like "Can we have a cinema for after.." and "There WILL be electricity at the campsite won`t there? For Ghetto Blasters and so on.." Oh, and ".. you don`t expect us all to just sit around camfires and tell storys do you??" and so on.. i suggest you do the same.. If you are thinking of going.. I think it`s 55 yoyos for entry, camsite and ferrys.. that's all i know.. i`ll tell you more when someone tells me while i`m listening..


    Power updated his script.. Looks like THE SODA CLUB in drogheda is due a thrashing this friday night from your humble narrator.. And Horan's in TRALEE this saturday night too.. That's nice..


    Weekend Playlist for Mr.Spring`s Show on 2FM's 6:2:6,
    ( TX: 130702/20.00-22.00


    Spring & JP Star in their very own edition of "What's my tyrril" Featuring: * Leaving Dublin WELL in time to hit fairyhouse with ample time to climatise and inebri8 correctly to allow maximum fitness for the script.. * Getting Sidetracked by the messiest HIACE in history towing the dodgiest Trailer in history loosing a wheel and careearing into the hard-shoulder THIRTY SECONDS after we overtook it!!! MEaning - if we had been lazy, we would be AT LEAST half dead, and power would be trying to get insurance details from somebody that cares enough to NOT wash their vehicle in case it falls apart! We were SOOOOO blessed.. really, glancing out the rearview you could see the clouds of smoke and the Van/trailer combo smaking in to the verge.. scary.. * driving in a numb haze after the above incident and missing the venue TOTALLY and having to be talked in by the ground crew.. * Creaming our jeans as the classic "that car pass only allows you to park in THAT car park (pointing at an inferior carpark)" line is trotted out repeatedly.. Luckily the combined power of ALL our carpasses, broadcast passes, RTE I.D. cards and a red-faced panic each sorted that out and we parked in OASIS's dressing room as planned. * The Kind rescue and Tractor-driven delivery of our bods to the designated broadcast area by a foxy MCD employee in a foxy
    lil' tractor.. * Half of the Squad legging it because we were late.. * All while the clock ticked and then all of a sudden, as if by magic, a half-hour late due to unforseen tyrrilling!


    Firen` Squad, Portable Edition Live From -=WITNNESS 2oo2=-

    Squaddies: Hugh Scully (homebrew'd), Shay Hannon (evening dress), Dez O'leary (blueboy), The DiscoNaughts (three).

    *the socialites vs. M.J./can`t help it -whitelabel - 46%
    wpr0021/wri:jackson & jones//sony music
    *lamya/empires(sander klienenberg) -bmg - 16%
    74321953241/wri:lamya & hooper//bmg music
    *fischerspooner/emerge(dave clarke) -ministry of sound - 84%
    fsmos1/wri:fischer & spooner//cop con
    *westbam & nena/old school baby(english version) -low spirit - -3% (minus 3 percent)
    lsdmd02004/wri:westbam & jankuhn//low spirit music
    *the moon/shake it -byte progressive - -7% (minus 7 percent)
    bp010208-12/wri:wendelen & hetrix//decos pub.
    *milkybar/munchies -nestle - 7%
    new fusion of milkybar with munchies sweets..


    *walt vs. zero gi/exiter - blutonium blu050
    *oliver klitzing/i like that beat - tracidd traxx ttx2039
    WITNNESS LIVE SET: Peaches & Gonzales.
    WITNNESS LIVE SET: The Beta Band.

    Weekend Highlights roundup:
    * The Prodigy Finally making people loose the plot with SMAK MY BITCH UP!
    * The Mud-slinging in front of the mainstage resulting in EVERYONE getting plastered, especially the cops...
    * The Dance-Tent's mud-lake taking over the entire floor area and releasing soothing gasses..
    * The "mud-slide" breakdancers during GREEN DAY's set..
    * One of The Big-screens bieng so covered in mud it had to be switched off..
    * Avoiding "death-by-Hiace" on the way there..
    * Not bieng mudded at all..
    * The rain stopping totally for the whole event..
    * Seeing the best reactions to the funky stuff and dance stuff..
    * People jumping the fences into the backstage area, catching their breath and jumping back out again!

    Silly Website you should look at here.. it`s a campaign to stop RAVEs bieng outlawed, like that film FOOTLOOSE.. i advise you ALL to sign up and save our raves.. er.. should they ever come back into fashion.. or something.. anyway, anything to stop that PATRICK tosser from dancing with that bird with the big nose again... er.. just look there..


    More on the TEMPLE today.. the rumour mill is grinding the following kernel: the temple will undergo a new branding and a total shift in music policy after the 4th August.. It will change to ape the SPIRIT plot - open till 7am, full bar till 4ish and a "funky house" policy. Great plan lads. Havn't you noticed the damage that did to MONO and GPO? So it _isn`t_ to close, it`s just changing.. changing to take advantage of the theatre side of things.. What does this mean to us then? Simple, another venue gets the chop. It seems the days of Big-Name Import DJs are numbered.. As THE STAR pointed out today, the biggest nights there recently have been (cheapo) all-irish lineups.. and they have been but a shadow of the golden days of 2000 clubbers up4it and so on.. thing is, there is STILL a mobile clubbing population that want more then bland wallpaper and a late drink.. so WHO WILL STEP UP TO FULFILL THIS NEED? There may not be enough of them left to justify the scale of a temple night though.. so time will tell.. I feel Our scene is about to shrink to become a specialist thing, the same fate that befell House, Techno and Drum n' Bass - once the daddys, now a curiosity.. So what.. we like it and we will keep on, Just like the House, Techno and DnB scenes, we will concentrate and deliver. You do of coarse realise this leaves NO "banging" nights left don`t you? Good lord. Scary it is.. I `m not putting the doom on this for my own sake, i only played the temple 3-4 times a year at most, it's the "big-room" club that i lament.. I think they should run a secret-cinema club there.. heheheh..

    A little late, but here's JUNE'S TOP 15 SPRING NATIONS:

    1 Ireland
    2 US Commercial
    3 United Kingdom
    4 Japan
    5 Brazil
    6 Australia
    7 Spain
    8 New Zealand (Aotearoa)
    9 Netherlands
    10 Finland
    11 Russian Federation
    12 Belgium
    13 Germany
    14 France
    15 Israel


    CULLWATCH 2oo2 : If you are a long-time springer, you`ll remember the last time i commented on the alleged closure of the TEMPLE THEATRE i was the subject of some serious legal threats and the recipient of gusts of hot-air from the temple direction resulting in me having to apologise on this very website for repeating what senior management had told me and many, many of my friends.. So this time i HOPE it`s the same again, and this is a big publicity stunt to pack the place on august 4th.. THE TEMPLE ("space") is gone! August 4th is the last day and will be celebrated with a "special guest" on the night and free drink and sausage-rolls for everybody on staff... There'll be "Kiddies Korner" and a nursery, monster castles, wet slides, free fairground, outdoor stages, drinks promotions, RnB, Hard house, Trance, Skool Disko, Student specials.. Giveaways including: A 5-star holiday for 2 in jamaica for a month,A brand new Ford Tippex-Turbo Car, 12 (count 'em) small carribean islands, A holiday on the moon every month for life, a full plastic-surgery makeover, your weight in barley, a minx, a million shares in TELECOM and a 90 ft Cabin-Cruiser with moorings in an attractive Southern-France fishing village complete with ancient haunted castle and sacrificial virgins...

    So then i`ts goodbye to the space people then. Goodbye Wicked voiceovers. Goodbye to the Black church - Ireland's only dedicated (real) dancemusic venue, the first, and the last.

    If i`d have known last saturday night was the last time i`d play there i`d have got my nob out AT LEAST.. Goddamn.. So to wrap up: The first record i ever played there: NINE WAYS by JDS (known as 'strictly rockers' at the time..), the last record i ever played there : DAY MISSION by DAVID B.

    Who's Next then?


    Power updated the script..


    So that was the weekend that was.. Didn`t it do well? Great the way it got Sunday & Saturday in the right order and all that.. So we did a bit of TEMPLE THEATRE this saturday.. and it was not bad at all.. i have to warn otheres intending on working there in the near future that the mixer (pioneer500) is suffering from a leaky bass-pot on the left deck.. meaning when fully off the bass sort of leaks through if you wiggle the knob.. very messy.. cos it "leaps" when you turn it, settling down when you take your hand off it.. er.. needless to say things were a little difficult to grasp at times, i hope it wasn`t as annoying for all of you as it was for me.. Wow.. is it THAT long since they upgraded to a Pioneer mixer? really? so that this one is actually worn out now? I always suspected the DJ500/600s were a little flimsey.. they give that impression.. to much plastic.. mmm.. is there a military spec Disco mixer out there? Sealed pots and plastic faders in a sealed aluminium box? There should be.. what if you have to do an emergency set in a warzone? you can`t have your desk packing up on such a critical mission!!? We need an indistructable mixer.. with easily servicable modular construction.. that's water (beer) proof, dust (fag ash) proof, Shock (drag) proof and solidly (heavily) constructed.. Mmmm.. battle mixer.. But anyway.. nice night.. thatnks for that.. sorry we could only find a pen at the end.. May i suggest in future there are notebooks and pencils left on the edge of the stage to allow people to comment/say hello/communicate with the DJ? Some people spent a half-hour trying to get my attention only to be drowned out by the P.A. or have a bouncer assist them off the stage.. anyway, notes are Goooood..

    Weekend Playlist for Mr.Spring`s Show on 2FM's 6:2:6,
    ( TX: 060702/20.00-22.00


    Firen` Squad, Squaddies: Pressure (cooker), Todd Christiansan (slated), Pat Dempsey (messy), Arvene (as ever), Razor (actually).

    *bobby summer vs. time bandits/i'm only shooting love -kontor - 5%
    b264463/no details
    *damian hughes/tropea -offshoot - 40%
    ae41132/wri:hughes//cop con
    *dot ru/broken childhood -tekktonn - 4%
    tk002/wri:rosh//king records ediciones musicales
    *eddie lock & mr.c/bang to the beat of the drum -alphabet city UK - 53%
    aluk006/wri:lock & west//warner chappel & high fashion
    *dj t/gold dreamer -y2k - 39%
    y2k032/wri:simple minds//emi publishing
    *frank biazzi/turbulance -lupp - -1073% (minus 1073 percent)
    no details white label/wri:biazzi//cop con


    *fergie/bass generator(rivera)-duty free dftel004x
    *drugface/cu*t master-ueberdruck ued05
    *dj kriss/clear your mind-ftw 23206046
    *sinister/chimera-bmg sin01
    *brooklyn bounce/loud & proud-epic dad6726946
    *the shrink/bootleg of "nervous breakdown"-whitelabel
    *mobil jockey/auflegen-whitelabel no details
    *tekken/tribal pursuit-tekktonn tk001
    *romeo void/never say never-sony music canada spc1901


    So, forced retirement is treating me well.. Today i watched 11 hours of GRANADA PLUS and phoned ALL of the numbers that flashed up during the breaks.. It's amazing actually that the time needed to call all of the numbers collected in the average add-break is EXACTLY the time it takes for the next add-break to come along. They must Know. Have you Tried Channel 914 on your Digibox yet? Shocking isn`t it! ANyway.. Power updated his Script.. And Witness Fever is upon us once again.. I'm currently working on a motarised Snowboard to allow me to move about freely and easily in the lake of mud/piss/rain.. it`ll resemble a giant Desk-fan and sound savage... I look ridiculous in a wetsuit, so i`m thinking of a Faux diving-costume.. You know the type, with a gold-fish bowl helmet.. TinTin-on-the-moon style.. Ohh.. did you get those strange pills through the door? You know.. the Nucleur Disaster pills? I think i did, but the cats ate them, envelope and all. They must have been good.. Pity, i wanted to try cooking with them.. It looks like my cats may be the only feline survivors of the blast then.. Messy - one of them is Fat and moody & the other one is a tart. Good god.. we need to organise a NOAH'S ARK type thing here fast.. we need to pill-up 2 of every species or else things will get wierd after the.. er.. disaster.. as if they wouldn`t be wierd enough.. we'll even have to do the ugly creatures, if there's time...


    2 interesting thing arrived in the email this morning..Firstly: Fallout from the slating i gave SIX and OMERO MUMBA on the last Tuesday review show for Fanning.. The story of Some very nasty verbal abuse dished out on a friend of mine at a major public event this weekend, in full earshot of the assembled crowd.. Abuse hurled included the classic "Your careers are finished from here on in.." and the amazing "I used to like You.." and the Unbeatable "You are crap anyway..". The rant got so heated the ranter went all redfaced and started spitting as the rant got louder.. All that was missing was actual fisticuffs which would have been very messy indeed, especially with all those people watching. So. The Kiss of death has been given. Ah well. For the other people involved on the recieving end i`m sure it's a bit of a shock, but for me, this is the THIRD time i have been told "You`ll never work again.." By the Agressor & Associated Mob, so i`m delighted to make it a hattrick and will be signing copies of my Forthcoming Biography/TV-Show Annual/Self-improvment manual at the Temple Theater this Saturday night, so COME ON if you think you are hard enough.. ehm.. The SECOND interesting thing in the mail was a VERY interesting piece of "found news" courtesy of BAKED CAKE, he claims it was in the Guardian a while back, which sounds right.. Have a read!!

    Once upon a time,God was a dj,but now hes driving a minicab in Rotherham.The era of superstar djs is over:Gatecrasher has closed its weekly night and gone monthly ;Cream is empty,bar a couple of mashed students,peering around the podiums likew a Japanese tourists is Madame Tussaauds.Ministry Of Sound is moving heavily into radio and plans to sell off its superclub.At Pacha the dancefloor is so deserted that Gypsies have parked their caravans there and built campfires. What went wrong? Just six months ago,Pacha was launched under a deluge of press hype.The truth of its that the writting was on the wall for the
    superclubs,and therefore superstar djs,a long time ago,and here a few of my serving suggestions as to why: Numero Uno:
    They were a victim of their own success.The whole demise of the superstar dj was that seemingly ordinary mortals were actually supremely talented alchemists from another dimension - kind of galdalf in a john richmond linen shirt - each one,uniquely & sublimely capable of creating what Russ Abbott once called a party atmosphere by playing two lupms of plastic back to back. Superstar Djs,most notably the uber-miserable Paul Oakenfold,cultivated an air of mystery around this process,peering down at their decks,refusing to smile,generally promoting the idea - not unreasonable from their point
    of view - that is was really rather difficult to dj. This was fine until every electrician,plumber and journalist in the land wanted to become a superstar too.Very soon they all had a pair of Technics and were badgering the manager of the local Top Shop to play deep tribal house to young teenage girls searching for £9.99 halter-neck tops.Within six seconds,we all realised that it wasnt very hard to dj after all. Not only that,but it was far more of a laugh to play record badly in the pub to a few mated(as the Chemical Brothers started off doing)than work out,Nick Hornby dream stylist,a pompous/portentous/prickisly dull "set" for that never to happen 4am Ministry debut. Two:The USP of the superstar dj was access to the most upfront tunes.So when
    people stopped caring about upfront tunes,indeed started going up to morose Djs in their booths and demanding to know why they werent playing the single edit of Kylie rather than the 48 minute Masters at Work dub,Djs knew their number was up.
    Its intresting that the demise of superstar Djs coincided with the risk of tounge in cheek cheesy karakoke-style outfits like 6ft Stereo,where punters are encouraged to turn up with a copy of a deliberatly bad song like Eye OF The Tiger and demand that it be played.Inevitably,inventive ways of playing crap records has become as feircely competitive as white-label snobbery
    between djs once was. Clubs like Renegade Pop Party and Uncle Bobs Wedding Reception have oushed the concept of deliberate crapness further,going out of their way to book rubbish djs like Pat Sharpe of Heart 106.2FM.Thing is Pat knows how to work a crowd and he could do anything a "cool" dj could do-plus he had The Gang in his box.Of course,the children of this anti-superstar dj reveloution became the new superstar djs.The chemical brothers graduated from a smelly pub to a stadium rock in a matter of months and became the big beat Smashie n Nicey they once despised,even making a semi ironc record (Hey boy,Hey Girl superstar djs,here we go!)eulogising their sorry new found superstar status.Such are the small ironies of life. Three:The whole superstar dj thing totally dissapeared up its own arse.Just as superstar models were made obsolete by grunge,superstar djs became irrelevant without even realising it.A turning point came when Junior Vasquez,then the doyen of New Yorks superstar jocks,was booked to play london arena for three consecutive nights in 1997. Weeks of sycopantic radio and press coverage paved the way for his triumphant arrival .London had seen nothing like it since,er,Little Louie Vega two weeks earlier.How were the police going to hold back the tide of Vasque-mad club cattle? With days to go before the gigs,however,it became apparent that only a handful of tickets were sold.Tongy and Oakey may have been wetting their pants at the tought of seeing Junior Vasques,but the nation was more intrested in watching Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen making a tit of himself in Changing Rooms. The tide had turned on the inflated egos and wage packets of our superstar djs,who started striking out across the globe to regain the adulation and status they`d once enjoyed in Blighty. From Copenhagen to Capetown,British djs jetted off to play seamless nine hour sets if interminalbly dull apoco trance, depressing pomp house reverberating round mega arenas once reserved for U2(Paul Oakenfold hammered home the message by supporting U2 on tour). Four:In New York,DJ deity Sasha allegedly turned up for a gig at Twilo carring only three records in a carrier bag.Such was Sashas sense of
    world historic importance,he`d honed his set down with Zen like percision to just three tunes(all of which happened to be by him) Alternatively he may have been just taking the piss. FIVE:The warning bell for anything creative is when it starts getting
    inspiration form prog rock.Or boxing. With Chris Eubanks pre fight entrance to Simply rhe Best as inspiration,Fatboy Slim and Armand Van Helden held an ego-clash in a specifically constructed boxing ring.For neutrals the temptationto send in fighting dogs must have been strong. Rampant Dj ego mania took many entertaining forms:Carl Cox arriving by helicopter,Noel Edmonds style,Norman Cook walking on stage in Rick Wakeman style Bacofoil capes:Ferry Corsten playing The Land Of Hope and Glory(The ferry corsten mix) The platonic template for this style was laid down by sasha,who mixmag first put him on its cover in 1992 declaring him the "son of God".Sasha was a neutral pin up-he was good looking.He had that requisite air of mystery about him(a foreign-ish name).His eyes seemed fixed always on some distant unnatainable goal.His shirts billowed immpecably in the Mediterannean breeze.Most importantly,he owned trance records so wildly new and innovative,they could kill sheep with a single airing. Apocryhpal stories of Sasha screwing groupies on a stained backstage mattrress a la Tom Jones.It seemed impossible to chin stroking dad house veterans that this new generation of djs could have so defiled the memory of Larry Levan and his impeccable mid-70s musodom:his annomitity,his descrition.But whats fame if you cant poke a few girls into the bargain?

    Oooookayyyy.. messy or what? It`s nice to see there is finally someone in the media more bitter and twisted then me!! Wooooowwwww what a piece.. well, you =can= always rely on the GUARDIAN for balenced, fair reporting... Can`t believe i missed this one.. but anyway, there you go.. one sore (probably failed DJ's) opinion for you. I was doing FINE reading it till' he/she/it brought up PAT SHARPE.. remember him on SKY CHANNEL? When the only adds on it were for PALMOLIVE? hahahah.. ulp! Anyway.. Thanx BAKED CAKE for stealing/inventing this for us..


    We all watched the below plugged movie lastnight.. amazing.. really fun.. they certainly had those satin thighs down pat back in the day.. Ice T was amazing.. really, incredible how he could rap to a completely different beat to the one the crowd were spinning/popping/breakin' to while the DJ scratched a rhythm all of HIS own over the top.. Er.. It's art. Top Flashback moment: Remembering Seeing it in Middleton Cinema in 198? & Realising the version of "tour de france" by Kraftwerk in the Broom piece was _in fact_ a remix i hadn`t ever heard before!! - a horrible realisation for me at the time bieng a kraftwerk purist/nutter, this was in fact the first Kraftwerk remix ever, done by Francois K specially for the Film.. Mmmm.. Tuuunnne.


    Movie release of the month here..

    Weekend Playlist for Mr.Spring`s Show on 2FM's 6:2:6,
    ( TX: 290602/20.00-22.00


    Firen` Squad, Squaddies: Will O'Brien (ecstatic), Jon Chechini (elastic), Lee Holmann (erratric).

    *dark monks/insane -back yard/incentive - 36%
    cent45tdja/no details
    *sash!/ganbareh -xit - -20% (minus 20%)
    xltd0026r/wri:alisson & lappessen//step by step
    *royskopp/remind me -wall of sound - 85%
    wallt074/wri:berge & oye//bmg & cop con
    *marco v/indicator -duty free - 44%
    df031x/no details
    *green velvet/genedefekt -music man - 20%
    mm089/wri:green velvet//cajual music
    *liquid people/monster -defected - 65%
    fect49dj/no details
    *fc kahuna/machine say yes -city rockers - 67%
    no details cdr/wri:kahuna & huld//cop con


    *mac & mac/wicked & wild -jinx jxh710
    *olav basoski/leave me alon - superstar dj2043dmd
    *micheal parsberg/baseline kickin - damage dmg008
    *raven maize/fascinated - rulin' rulin27p2
    *souvernance/havin a good time - positiva 12tivdjx174
    *snap/do you see the light? - data 33p2
    *abel ramos/qaurzo - md0105
    *thomazz/work me - FTW 23206056
    *dj mirko milano/bang the box - deep mission dm25
    *merlyn/stacheldraht - tracid traxx ttx2036
    *sunclub/fiesta - energized dmdeng027

    Fun Weekend.. Nitelinks was as sweaty as ever.. Either i`m getting taller (unlikely), or the table the dex are on is getting lower (probable) because my back now seems to be enjoying the bonus-plan when it comes to aches and pains!! As usual the crowd were in exceptional humour, and were very polite throughout the moody bit in the middle, and jumped up and down like champions for the rest.. Thanks again for the recharge! Still Creamgate is an issue as an email was passed on friday to my manager complaining about my updates last week.. all i can do is repeat that NONE of the people that called me in the past 3 weeks have any furthar information about the proposed creamfields ireland except what they gathered from the press add of last friday. This is the main reason we are concerned, we get our information from (badly spelled) press ads... and we are meant to be performing there and therefore potential punters ask us for information and we cannot even confirm the event will take place, in fact, the readers of the adds in THE STAR know as much as us. After some more chats this weekend, people's main concern has now shifted to the "subject to licence" thingy appearing on ALL gig posters nowdays.. the man-in-the-pub opinion is that event "licences" are the last hurdle put in place to make life as difficult as possible for Event promoters & organisers.. How can anybody justify even planning something when they have this licence crap hanging over them untill 2-3 days before the event? It`s ridiculous.. It`s like asking promoters to GAMBLE on the local whoevers bieng in a good mood on the licence decision day after having everything underway for months beforehand.. It brings a whole new barrel of drunken ninja-worms into the equation.. Is it just me or is someone somewhere DELIBERATLY making it difficult for anyone to do ANYTHING in the country anymore? So, to sum up, a snotty email (ohhh.. i`m Soooooooo scared.. ) and NO more information provided.. so we are STILL none the wiser. Great isn`t it. Might as well go to Wetness then i suppose.. You can wear a walkman to blot out the annoying guitar noises..
    jUst plAythAtbEAt