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March 2004

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  • March 2004


    Apparently, some of the Kraftwerk piccys have become clickable.. for some reason.. i think this may be the start of something silly..

    Oh god.. i suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later..Thenks to the MickeyDVB unit, we now have conclusive evidance that somebody, somewhere, in a town council, loves me.. or hates me.. either way, i am looking foward to having a tunnel-support named after me,possibly containing the corpses of non-believers (see:INFADEL), in the new 4-lane underground secret tunnel link between wicklow town and castries (st.Lucia)..


    Uploaded a new Gallery for yez.. It`s the Long-awaited return to analogue Photography, all pure and un-fiddled with, from the Rag-Week Bash in Carlow last month..Check it in the Pictures section..

    The Kraftwerk Aftermath is in full effect here... Sales of Non-Melodic Music have plummeted, and scruffy/baggy clothing is bieng abandoned en-masse for sharp-as-a-kitchen devil suits and pulsating ties.. (probably) in fact, i think it`s time i bought my first Suit.. Probably in Dunnes, Probably a Techno Suit, And probably to great effect.. I shall wear it everywhere, and sneer at those with blunter threads.. in fairness.. I will take on the new role as Kommisar to the vibe, and will lead a new secret division of expert secret agents, dedicated to exposing anything at all that will get us on a Radio-Chat show for 5 minutes.. Lets get some practice in now shall we?

    Let's Play A game of ..


    ...they ran this sensational headline inside:

    ..featuring a picture of a pill that hasn`t been sold since 1996, the notorious "green apple", which, i am told, made users sprout horns out of their heads, and rape old ladies - so they were withdrawn by the manufacturers concerned.. The fact they were available in Ireland at all should make people suspicious - it`s a well known Urban Legend that the only place in the world with worse quality ***** is the Galapagos Island of "Nietzit", which is populated entirely by Penguins, hense the lack of ***** scene.. Having these ***** for sale here in Ireland can ONLY be because Nobody else will touch them.. Speaking of Out of date sensationalist bullshit Images, see these 2 peaches below - the first shot at a Hen-night in NEWQUAY in England in 2003, the second is CCTV, we suspect taken from a BBC Documantary on Policing the Edinburgh Festival in 2001!! WHAT has this got to do with the scourge of Riding and Pills killing our yoof??????

    Anyway, we move on.. Let's establish the setting for this horrorshow:

    Mmm.. Sorry luv, your talking out of your arse there, ask Diana:

    She was Clearly NOT there the night before.. In fact, she was in The South of france on the night in question, with several thousand whitnesses. Actually. Also, anything remotely connected with Riverpants or The LLoyd-Webber bloke is About as far from HIGH CLASS as you can get.. unless you use prostitues and smell of garlic and guinness all the time, then it proably would appear to be High-class alright..

    I don`t know about you, but i ALWAYS carry a thermo-nucleur device when i go clubbing - just incase someone pisses me off, then i can nuke their hometown.. Guess this reporter has a "thing" about grenades or something.. Wait a minute, isn`t a "grenade" some kind of kinky sex thing?

    Struggling you say? Why would they be struggling? They are actually INSIDE the place, they have no need to struggle, the moment of struggling is when the Guards check your Fake ID surely?? And how do you know these girls were 14? Did they have a spare set of REAL ID - incase they met a young reporter on her first yolk? Amazing that.. must remember that next time i am spying for Mossad, i can bring my REAL passport just in case i meet someone doing a book on international Espionage..

    These must be some special "flexi-pills" then - ones that can take the form of a sphere when compressed, and then magicly reform into their pill-shape when released? Amazing.. Even more amazing is this fool below - ASLEEP at a rave? In the mucky floor? FACE DOWN?? Why is his head obscured? was he actually looking at the photographer? You know.. EXORCIST stylee?? Mmm.. rave music can do that you know... Although, from what my Truck-driving Friends tell me, the very LAST thing you can do when you are taking Amphetemine is SLEEP. There is actually a LONG list of thing you can do On Speedy *****, and sleep is actually number 24,871 on the list,.. Right after "Sprouting daffodils from your arse" and before "becoming the saviour of real Bells in telephones". Guess that shits on the theory that everyone in clubs is on pills - this guy was clearly on somethig else.

    ..everybody knows that anyone who takes 10 doses of a Drug, where 1 dose is enough (that is why it is called a DOSE you twat), is only 1 of 2 things - [1] a spoofer, [2] someone who got ripped off.. Surely the story here is "YOOF GET BURNED AT RAVE"

    .. wow.. that solves the mystery of the involentary teeth-grinding suffered by some people as side-effects of their medication, and the constant grinding experienced by Amphetemine abusers since the 1950's! And we all thought it was due to Mineral Deficiancy and temporary kidney damage and the onset of dehydration.. the craving for calcium and so on.. Wow.. nice one.. good old rat-poisen eh!! Get it into you!! it`s cheap too..

    That MUST have been a fellow Journalist, or a not-very-good copper.. The term "disco" and "biscuit" have not been used in the same sentance since the ITN News used the phrase in 1989. [see: "acid house", the word, death of usage]

    So, under the noses of the Plain-clothes, the author purchased what she believed to be Class-A *****. Fabulous. I must Murder my Family and film it for a TV documentary.. And steal FLUSH BUS's Skyline while i am at it.. oh, and do over the post-office.. (and so on) Anybody push the "hypocrite" button there? no? oh, must be set like that then..

    .. no love, you want the EXIT - the TOILET is for pissing, not Leaving..

    .. wait a minute, are we missing a paragraph? Where did this sudden burst of discriptive mastery come from? What happend to those 3 pills eh?

    So.. the reporter followed someone home? And then bugged them all night and the next day with bullshit talking and stupid questions? fantastic.. Are you SURE you still have those 3 pills luv? Didn`t melt in your pocket did they? Might have been absorbed by Osmosis? (etc..)

    Really? You were there to watch huh? Oh yes, of coarse you were, you followed that guy home and bent his ear all night.. i remember.. well, I think someone should study their grammer, paying perticular attention to Tense, and Objectivity, then try again - this time not incriminating themselves & their employer, not insulting the intelligence of the public, not smearing hard-working promoters, not lampooning the Gardai, and not annoying the Entertainment industry with such absolute arse. In fact, stale Arse. Arse that is now part of the "Now that's what i call Arse" Compilation series - a Retrospective of Journalistic Arse spanning the Decades Before the Internet Brought the Truth to the Planet.. (Published by Pill & McCardles, Irl.)

    Footnote: Robbie is NOT the authority on Clubbing In Ireland, he is a bloke all of us, just says stupid things sometimes...He currently has one of the world's leading Shirt collections, and resides in Dublin. The Gardai on the other hand, have beter things to do then chase kids for Skateboarding on the steps.. Did i tell you the one about the Pantzer-commander and the milkmaid? No? ... Maybe next week...

    Next week: The Financial Section Of IRELAND ON SUNDAY gets exposed as bieng totally made up in the pub the night before by the sports dept. on a Nixer. (probably)

    Playlist for the Spring Session on 2FM.

    *yomanda vs. dj uto/kaminari (you clash yc008) [happy reload]
    *nrg/nrg flash (bootleg nrg1)
    *silversonic/electric disco tease (azuli azny182)
    *madoka/good to me (wrel 01)
    *joy kiticonti/brescia boogie vol 1 (bxr/media 0604pbxr)
    *rare candy/dot co dot UK (mr chengs mrc 018)
    *niels van gogh/one way out (phobos phs 014-12)
    *kai tracid/concious[ferry] (tracid traxxx ttx2047R) [happy peak]
    *sonicvibe & shiver/lunation (captured 001)
    *da hool/set the stakes high (kosmo kos 2065R)
    *meat katie/turn me out (king size ks84r)
    *mass in orbit/wrong is right (pulse 081)
    *celine diablo/shy[vocal] (closet clos13)
    *team deep/morning light 2oo4 (massive drive md039) [lock]
    *acrid abayance/hotstuff (mutekki mutekk1 017)
    *junkk fluid/came with me (sigma 083)
    *sonique vs. trope/untitled (serious ser7012 pro4)
    *dr motte bs. westbam/music is the key (low sense 12sense27R)

    Stats: 9:2 in favour - For every 2 missed calls on the "sad" line, we had 9 on the "happy" line. Contribute during the show leaving missed calls on 0860.700427 (happy) or 0860.700426 (sad). Happy Peaker Starts the Show Next Week

    Playlist for the Spring Session on 2FM.

    *kai tracid/concious[ferry] (tracid traxxx ttx2047R) [happy reload]
    *team deep/morning light 2oo4 (massive drive md039)
    *benjamin bates/i lost myself in the way you close your eyes (ID&T 7007505)
    *primo lux/chains (galactive/fundamental galso004)
    *kores & d'acido/i want u (kosmo kos 2056)
    *monkey bars/shuggie love (subliminal su8b 117R)
    *acrid abayance/hotstuff (mutekki mutekk1 017) [lock]
    *2close/johnny & mary (fate recordings f8t011-12)
    *dj shog/live for music (logport 100381-a1)
    *green martian/ladies & gentlemen (bonzai bm-2003-184) [happy peak]
    *mauro picotto/iguana[yoji] (media/bxr 1211)
    *dj duro/mama mia (scantraxx 012)
    *one eyed jack/pulse (bulletproof proof 0125-1)
    *global cee/burnin' (druck druck003)
    *insecto/hardstyle truck (suntec tec094)
    *yakooza/ecstacy (overdose dmddose 119)
    *winx/don`t laugh (sorted so20130)

    Stats: 20:1 in favour - For every 1 missed call on the "sad" line, we had 20 on the "happy" line. Contribute during the show leaving missed calls on 0860.700427 (happy) or 0860.700426 (sad). Happy Peaker Starts the Show Next Week


    To continue on our discussion last week in class, Dance music/Clubbing bieng F**ked, have you noticed the UK #1 lately? Been 2 recycled dance tunes up there recently.. Casper and that horrible Infectious Whitney/U2 booty.. Mmm... Guess i picked the wrong week to give up Techno. (pass the glue, cos' it`s next..)


    Piccys From Kraftwerk's Gig in Dublin on monday night last are here.. Don' get too exited, they are taken with a 4mm lens, in the dark, at a tremendous distance - so you have NO IDEA how good the set actually looks!! I Was hesitant in upping these piccys, as i don`t want to spoil the Surprise for the rest of our European Cousins that have yet to recieve the blessed sacrament of Kling-Klang, but these are such shite quality that it's only going to whet the appitite!! As for a review, what can i say? I mean, there is very little one CAN say about Kraftwerk LIVE, except, of coarse, it was a religous experience..Really sweet. Gearwise, it think the lads are packing lots of these at the moment, to great effect.. There was one strange incident, about 1/2-way through the set, where one of the lads SMILED! Luckily, he was rebooted by a watchfull Controller, and proceeded perfectly from there.. Although, there was an uncontrolled show of emotion from all 4 Werkers when the crowd erupted into several overwhelming roars of approval for no apparent reason in the latter stages of the night - really, it was like a tidal wave of emotion, we (the crowd) must have sensed a state of weakness/recognition from the hosts, and them aknowledging it just caused an explosion! What a moment - Kraftwerk Wrecking the Gaff, Us Cheering them on, and them actually displaying SATISFACTION! Heheheh.. [They deserved it.. Great Guys, great music, a lifetime of wonderment and unnerving originality - Remember, Kraftwerk are the only Living band in the world, that aren`t a cover band..] It will be interesting to see if they get any more pleasent surprises like this on the rest of the tour, which is already in progress Pilgrim.. Oh Yes.. And if all goes according to plan, i`ll be getting a Reload in Madrid April 1st.. Mmm.. Moooore..

    And now to the serious business of who DIDN'T TURN UP.. We have been kindly provided with the CCTV footage of the audience arriving, and this is bieng examined by experts as i type.. Soon Units from the Mallet Squad will begin the Thankless task of Raiding the homes of those that did not attend, and taking them from their beds in the dark of night to where nobody will ever find them.. (either Bogata or The Non-Smoking Area of Reynards, depending on traffic..) There, trained units from the re-grooving branch will attempt to re-condition those that failed this simple task, and prepare them for their new lives as landfill and petfood. Don`t get all snotty on me now, you were warned plenty of times, there is no point in winging now, it`s far too late, and no, a note from your ma will NOT do.


    Did i mention there is a New Dario Film Out? look here...

    ==100304 back online! Don`t mention Westlife! Drag WarZ this Sunday!! (see last month's UPDATE)..

    Playlist for the Spring Session on 2FM.

    !]Emergency Kraftwerk Session[!

    *kraftwerk/the robots (capitol cdems 1520)
    *kraftwerk/computer world (emi cdem1547)
    *kraftwerk/showroom dummies (emi est11603)
    *kraftwerk/the model (klingklang 78078za1)
    *kraftwerk/tour de france (FK mix) (emi 8874216)
    *kraftwerk/radioactivity (william orbit mix) (emi 12emdj201)
    *kraftwerk/aerodynamik (FK mix) (emi 12emdjd637) [happy reload]
    *kraftwerk/vom himmel hoch (vertigo 6499 268)


    *state of the art/automatic EP (informed inform 006)
    *pet shop boys/flamboyant (scissor sistors mix) (parlaphone 12rdjx6629a)
    *jason sparks/heroes & villans EP (botchit & scarper bos2046)
    *flaunt it DJs/last rhythm (never mind the bollocks ransom11)
    *meat katie/turn me out (kingsize ks84r)
    *flash brothers/nobody scream (relative relrec007) [happy peak]
    *disco brothers/come with us (captivating sounds cvsa006)
    *marcel woods/time is running out (ID&T 7007035)
    *ariel/a9 (a9)
    *stellar project/getup, standup (absolutely abr005)
    *roach material EP (community comspv002)
    *ferry corsten/star traveller (positiv 597 6292a)
    *that piano thing/33 & the Third (33rd county hms001)
    *square pusher/district line II (warp warpcd117p)
    *club robbers/white stripes (superplastik spk004-5)
    *junkk fluid/came with me (sigma 083)
    *cls/can you feel it? (strictly rhythm sr100356)

    Stats: 9:1 in favour - For every 1 missed call on the "sad" line, we had 9 on the "happy" line. Contribute during the show leaving missed calls on 0860.700427 (happy) or 0860.700426 (sad). Happy Peaker Starts the Show Next Week

    Playlist for the Spring Session on 2FM.

    *flash brothers/nobody scream (relative relrec007) [happy reload]
    *jx/restless (azure mix) - tidy 2
    *kraftwerk/electrocardiogram (emi)
    *agnelli & nelson/holding on to nothing (xtravaganza xtravdj43)
    *pauk van dyk/crush (hyper mix) (positiva 12tivdjd204)
    *pet shop boys/flamboyance (tomcraft mix) (parlaphone 12rdj6629a)
    *fuzzion/hot velvet (recovered rec674133) [lock, then un-locked for sounding too like ABBA]
    *shhhhhhhhh!!! (shh 001 whitelabel)
    *e-static/beat on a drum (one way owr34)
    *niels van gogh/one way out (media mr032)
    *the honeymoon suite/33 & the third (33rd county hms1)
    *yakooza/ecstacy (overdose dmddose 119)
    *dj millo/hardtraxx vol1 (dfc)
    *yomanda vs. dj uto/kaminari (you clash yc008) [happy peak]
    *green martian/ladies & gentlemen (bonzai bm-2003-184) [lock]
    *hole in 1/yoga session (nutrition nut28)

    Stats: 5:1 in favour - For every 1 missed call on the "sad" line, we had 5 on the "happy" line. Contribute during the show leaving missed calls on 0860.700427 (happy) or 0860.700426 (sad). Happy Peaker Starts the Show Next Week


    And so, the most importand day in the World drinking Calander approaches. PADDY'S DAY. The day when everybody loves to get extremely drunk indeed and pretend they have some sort of irish roots.. It`s a day for Fighting, Rowing, Finally telling the Neibhours what you think of them and their ugly kids, poor choice in Automobile and Lapses in Personal Hygiene - all while standing on Main Street.. It`s also a day for ILLEGAL ACTIVITY, especially here in good old Ireland (because we invented the day infairness - we HAVE to be 1 up on the Rest of the world) - It`s traditional to Drink Poteen, which is terribly illegal, and to let of Firworks, which are also Illegal.. Okay, i admit the fireworks thing has only crept in the last 5 years due to the Haloween Surplus Situation, but the Hooch is as much a part of Paddy's Day as the Scarpping.. In fact, with out the neck-numbing power of Poteen, there probably wouldn`t be half as much fighting, and if there was no fighting, it just wouldn`t be Paddy's day. Sadly, there is now a shortage of drunken incidents in some of our towns, and the need has arisin to Import Pissheads.. Scandinavia & central Europe are stepping up to the challenge, as are Africa, and are sending us re-inforcements to make the day go off with a hitch.. sadly, because of lack of interest, the American delegations are staying at home or attending the "Striaght" New York Fight.. I say "Straight" because you may or may not know this, Gays are BANNED from the Official New-York Fight, so they have to have their own one in advace, it actually went off THIS past weekend. and i hear it was spectacular, if a little late in starting due to a problem starting the Main Argument.. Sadly, with the Demise of 626, our Float for the Dublin Fight Has been abandoned totally now.. And what a Float it was.. 2 Flat-decked Trailers towed by a Customised Truck (6 coats of Flip Pearl black/purple paint, furry white edging, chrome wheels, polished Exhausts, blacked Windows, plasma drive, 14 disrupter banks, 10 Photon Torpedo Bays, Japenese resteraunt, Sauna etc..) The first trailer had leather seating around the edges, a sweat-soaked Postage-stamp sized dancefloor in the middle of the trailer with specially devoleped "black goo" jets to fu*k up your trouser legs (positioned so you cannot do ANYTHING without crossing them), a small DJ booth in the front right corner,Full bar along the remaining edge to the front - sandwiged inbetween the DJ booth and the unisex toilet in the front left corner.. We spent alot of time doing that Toilet, making it comfortable as an Airline toilet, with the added twist of making the outer wall (facing the crowd) out of frosted white glass, backlit from the far wall with argon lights - so projecting the shadow of the person(s) using the cubicle onto the glass - allowing everyone in the audience to witness the screwing/snorting that goes on in the cubicle troughout the parade.. the queue for the toilet, of coarse, streaches accross the first trailer AND a special area on the second trailer.. And such time we spent casting for the Toilet Queue!! Hours of rehersing the "i don`t have any *****, i really want to have a piss" coversations etc.. Naturally we don`t have any REAL running water in the toilets - just like a REAL nightclub used to not.. We did hope to not have any real glasses or un-watered down drink in the bar too, but that suggestion met with uproar.. (sigh) No scope for authentic "glassings".. We even had the Driver's rest area in the rear of the Cab done out like a VIP area, complete with 2 actual VIPs, and 98 People who have some connection with the drug trade/the press/know the DJ or promoter, all crammed onto a leather donut discussing where to go next.. Carl Cox was booked to play the trailer too, him bieng 0.006% irish and all that.. Such a pity.. Although there were problems with the second trailer - the queue trailer - complete with wind machine and rain-maker.. damn.. and all the work welding the lighting rigs and the "bouncer tower" onto the truck - all wasted now.. i mean, WHO is going to represent the clubbing community at the fight now? (blub)


    Yes, is down for some wierd reason.. so so am i.


    Ah yes, that was a painless start to the Magic month.. And this is WORLD ACID HOUSE DAY, so celebrate by drawing a smileyface on something that doesn`t need a smileyface on it..

    Great News for Clubbers and smart dressers everywhere, DU-NeS BOUTIQUE has finally got their sh1t 2gether in the rags dept. (see below)

    Made 2 new tunes that i am wondering what to do with.. eh.. mght have to ask for some beta-testers on this.. as usual, they are far more complicated then is really healthy, and a bit spagetti in places.. so i dunno really, i just don`t.. Mmm.. Also, the photos from CARLOW look real wierd - back to analogue for these after the noshow on the digi lasttime, will up them, the TAIP soundcrowd .mp3 and possibly begin archiving of the radioshows too "very,very soon.." (those were the words that the broadband chick used..) Which means (sigh) time to say goodbye to our beloved ISDN line and all of it`s great,great problems thanks to the mobile fone masts/WI-FI/GSM/Leakey NTL Cable/Remote control Garage Doors/Flourescent Lights next door/Newly born Baby Birds in the tree next to my bedroom window/The weather/The time of day.. Can`t wait ot run up the 8gig limit in 1 night. In fact.

    Apparently, I am playing in THE MET in Armagh this weekend.. Happy dayz etc., havent been there in, er, a loooong time..
    jUst plAythAtbEAt